The Art of Darkness

For the Disney version of this joke, please visit here.

Please also note the tie-in to yesterday's commentary on zero.

Making Nothing Out of Something

This post also establishes that 3 things, while being ALMOST nothing, is in fact MORE than zero things.

On another note, the "more than zero emissions" label could be used for a lot of people I know as well.

Ventrilociraptorism

To their eternal credit, my daughters identified entirely on their own what sort of dinosaur I was.

Man Loves Tree Loves Rock Hates Man, Part 3

It's weird how much the guy in this comic looks like the stick-figure version of me.

They've Made Their Bed, Now They'll Have to Be Canadian In It

Sometimes, for short, we call them "asylum corners."  If we're feeling especially creepy, we call them, "American Horror Story Asylum corners."

An Historic Meating

Also, Xerxes spelled backwards is "sex Rex."  Hee-hee.

Raider of the Lost Snark

Turns out, the kid was a huge Tolkein fan - read the whole Hobbit series like eight times.  Which, of course, makes him a ringworm.

Trying to Hold the Fortitude

Plankton would totally be the bad guy in the sequel, 28 Weeks Later.

The Most Difficult Car Bingo Game You've Never Played

I swear I saw all these things. 

Also a live seagull perched on the hood of an occupied Altima at a rest stop.

And a stretch of highway beautification provided by "Walter."

And also the waste disposal truck had signs on the back that said, "Residual Waste - Bada Bing!" and "Solid Waste - Bada Boom!"

The Drinking Problem

We don't really eat off red plates.

You can stop worrying now.

The Butterfly Battle Blog

An excerpt from the unpublished, Ducks, That Sucks!

Dusting for Finger Paints

It's like CSI Babies!  Other characters include--

Sarah, an adorable little moody goth CSI baby

Nick, a good-looking Southern CSI baby (with a weird nose and beady eyes),

Catherine, the over-developed CSI baby with the dark past,

and Warwick, the CSI baby with the gambling problem.

The Fine Art of Falling Apart

Mysterious Bruising Condition, or MBC, affects ones--perehaps tens--of Americans each year.  If you or a loved one finds strange horribly colored contusions appearing on your skin seemingly at random on a regular basis, consult your spouse immediately.

Nor Would I Know How to Title a Blog Post Like This

I never metapunchline I didn't like.  For that matter, I never didn't like a metapunchline.

When Blomkamp Met Collins

Also starring Jodie Foster as Donald Sutherland.

A Bit of Comic Relief. Seriously.

Really.  Seriously.  Please go to the Comic Relief Red Nose Day website now and give them some money.  Then tell everyone you know to do the same thing.  Please please please.

What Rhymes with Ned Stark?

Also, you have GOT to check out Mr Bean's IMDB biography.  It is HILARIOUSLY over the top.  It's so wonderfully nutty that our family has decided to turn it into our own Mad Libs game.

Also, I bet there are people who call him Mr Bean, and that is also hilarious to me.

Setting Clocks One Hour Ahead In the Past

You may be marvelling at the fact that my Romans speak in English but write in Latin.  That's only to take your attention away from the fact that my Roman blackboard (which might be a whiteboard) is supported by two Roman columns.

Daylight Savings Plan

Deciding on your own that you are in a different time zone from everyone else more or less follows the same logic as Daylight Saving Time itself.  So there's that.

Dialogue Jam

If you're wondering why our bodies look a bit thicker and darker, it's because we're all wearing our new Gore-tex snowsuits.

Soap Dispensing

Incidentally, you're forbidden from breathing a word of this to anyone.  The Confessional is sacred and binding.

Sudden Realizations - Ridiculous, But Sudden

The answer to that last question is yes, that IS what Scissor Sisters say in that one line in "Return to Oz."  You can go to sleep now.

The Coffee Doesn't Always Help

And yes, we drink our coffee at an anti-gravity table top.  Be very jealous.

The Spock of Life: Leonard Nimoy, Nerd Comforter

(more of Nimoy's photography here)