Monday, March 30, 2015

Making Nothing Out of Something


This post also establishes that 3 things, while being ALMOST nothing, is in fact MORE than zero things.

On another note, the "more than zero emissions" label could be used for a lot of people I know as well.

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Ventrilociraptorism


To their eternal credit, my daughters identified entirely on their own what sort of dinosaur I was.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Raider of the Lost Snark


Turns out, the kid was a huge Tolkein fan - read the whole Hobbit series like eight times.  Which, of course, makes him a ringworm.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

The Most Difficult Car Bingo Game You've Never Played


I swear I saw all these things. 
Also a live seagull perched on the hood of an occupied Altima at a rest stop.
And a stretch of highway beautification provided by "Walter."

And also the waste disposal truck had signs on the back that said, "Residual Waste - Bada Bing!" and "Solid Waste - Bada Boom!"

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Dusting for Finger Paints


It's like CSI Babies!  Other characters include--
Sarah, an adorable little moody goth CSI baby
Nick, a good-looking Southern CSI baby (with a weird nose and beady eyes),
Catherine, the over-developed CSI baby with the dark past,
and Warwick, the CSI baby with the gambling problem.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

The Fine Art of Falling Apart


Mysterious Bruising Condition, or MBC, affects ones--perehaps tens--of Americans each year.  If you or a loved one finds strange horribly colored contusions appearing on your skin seemingly at random on a regular basis, consult your spouse immediately.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Friday, March 13, 2015

A Bit of Comic Relief. Seriously.


Really.  Seriously.  Please go to the Comic Relief Red Nose Day website now and give them some money.  Then tell everyone you know to do the same thing.  Please please please.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

What Rhymes with Ned Stark?


Also, you have GOT to check out Mr Bean's IMDB biography.  It is HILARIOUSLY over the top.  It's so wonderfully nutty that our family has decided to turn it into our own Mad Libs game.

Also, I bet there are people who call him Mr Bean, and that is also hilarious to me.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Setting Clocks One Hour Ahead In the Past


You may be marvelling at the fact that my Romans speak in English but write in Latin.  That's only to take your attention away from the fact that my Roman blackboard (which might be a whiteboard) is supported by two Roman columns.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Daylight Savings Plan



Deciding on your own that you are in a different time zone from everyone else more or less follows the same logic as Daylight Saving Time itself.  So there's that.

Friday, March 6, 2015

Dialogue Jam


If you're wondering why our bodies look a bit thicker and darker, it's because we're all wearing our new Gore-tex snowsuits.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Soap Dispensing



Incidentally, you're forbidden from breathing a word of this to anyone.  The Confessional is sacred and binding.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Sudden Realizations - Ridiculous, But Sudden


The answer to that last question is yes, that IS what Scissor Sisters say in that one line in "Return to Oz."  You can go to sleep now.

Monday, March 2, 2015