Saturday, February 28, 2015

Wife Verses Husband

If you think that sweater looks big on me, it's only because I've lost some weight recently.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Stranger Danger

I suppose I should be impressed at the guy's ability to manage his zipper and buttons with one hand. Unless he did the shoulder-cradle thing.

I really have to stop thinking about this.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Bartlett's Familial Quotations

I figure before too long, we won't need to invent any original conversation or dialogue in our house of any kind, which will be SUCH a timesaver.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

And the Award for Awful Best Picture Goes To...

Weirdly, as I was posting this, I found myself idly staring at it, quietly thanking the Academy for providing me with this award as fodder for my blog, then realizing how grateful I am to my family for allowing me to take time out every day to draw and post these things, and then even more realizing how much I appreciate all of you for coming to my blog to look at these pictures all the time--anyway, I was just running through this list of things to be thankful for when all of a sudden this loud orchestra music started playing and I found myself politely guided off this page...

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Life Sentences

Incidentally, I am indeed aware that my wife's line in Panel #1 is a loose paraphrase of one of Billy Crystal's lines from When Harry Met Sally.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Things We Learn Through Experience

The more I look at it, the more I think my handwriting is the sort one usually associates with ransom notes.  Or messages that bleed through the wallpaper in haunted houses.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Pavlov 2.0

Not sure why this one came out quite as fuzzy as it did. 
For those playing at home, the small print says:

PANEL 1 - Wife makes toast. I fry eggs, Daughter stirs cocoa. Other daughter serves fruit.
PANEL 2 - Autobun, spatula, spoon.

I'm now seriously thinking about writing a toddler's board book called, "Autobun, Spatula, Spoon."  Four of the pages in the board book will consist of the lines from Panel 1.  I will make a gajillion dollars.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

The Lost Fart of Ancient Egypt

Because sometimes, all you can come up with is a poop joke.

(with thanks again to

Friday, February 20, 2015

Indifferent Strokes

Not sure what sort of mad topological configuration our bed occupies in spacetime, but I seem to have drawn said anomaly with astonishing accuracy.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

I Put the "Fun" in Funerals!

One of the biggest draws for the business, of course, will be the opportunity for customers to see me wearing a tall black top hat.  I'm a marketing genius.

Friday, February 13, 2015

So Imagine "Avengers" Meets "Harold and the Purple Crayon"...

This whole thing is ENTIRELY REAL, incidentally.  I found my old notebook of Super Gumdrop stories from when I was a kid, and these are accurate reprints of my original trademarked characters.  The origin stories for The Mad Meatball, Zig-zag, The Zipper, and Anything Man are absolutely as I describe them here.

This should establish once and for all how little artistic growth I have experienced in my lifetime.

(incidentally, feel free to use the hashtag #WBTDBF, since it's way awesomer than #TBT)

For those who doubt the veracity of my claims about the origin of the work above, I present a page from the (denim-bound) notebooks of my eight-year-old self:

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Friday, February 6, 2015

Turns Out, X-Men Aren't As Studly As You Thought

This said, he also never has to use a styptic pencil or worry about developing that little flap of dead skin on the roof of his mouth two days after burning it on pizza that's too hot.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Another White Album

Other tracks include:

"Lips are Bluish" - Meghan Trainor
("I'm too cold/My lips are bluish/Hello! Both my legs are numb/They're not just numb - I cannot move them/And the frostbite's just now reached my bum...")

"This the Plowin' Dude" - Katy Perry

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Where the Rubber Meets the Road...and the Road Beats the Rubber

I should have had some red labels in here with arrows, but I got carried away with my rambling.  But I know you get me.