If you think that sweater looks big on me, it's only because I've lost some weight recently.
Insecure about your level of artistic talent? This blog is for you. My wish is that you view my work and think, "Seriously? I can do better than this."
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Friday, February 27, 2015
Stranger Danger
I suppose I should be impressed at the guy's ability to manage his zipper and buttons with one hand. Unless he did the shoulder-cradle thing.
I really have to stop thinking about this.
Labels:
baptism,
bathroom,
cell phone,
conversation,
fear,
food,
hands,
hats,
hygiene,
implications,
men,
people,
phone call,
strangers,
world
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Bartlett's Familial Quotations
Labels:
About a Boy,
bed,
bowl,
daughters,
dialogue,
family,
Fifth Element,
fire,
Fuller,
game,
Home Alone,
house,
Ibiza,
islands,
Korben Dallas,
Manhattan,
matches,
quotes,
soup,
wife
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
And the Award for Awful Best Picture Goes To...
Weirdly, as I was posting this, I found myself idly staring at it, quietly thanking the Academy for providing me with this award as fodder for my blog, then realizing how grateful I am to my family for allowing me to take time out every day to draw and post these things, and then even more realizing how much I appreciate all of you for coming to my blog to look at these pictures all the time--anyway, I was just running through this list of things to be thankful for when all of a sudden this loud orchestra music started playing and I found myself politely guided off this page...
Labels:
Academy Award,
David,
death,
Frankenstein,
French,
Grim Reaper,
horror,
Italy,
Marie Antoinette,
meow,
Moias,
movies,
music,
nose,
Oscar,
Sphinx,
statuettes,
sword,
Tonys,
Venus de Milo
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Life Sentences
Incidentally, I am indeed aware that my wife's line in Panel #1 is a loose paraphrase of one of Billy Crystal's lines from When Harry Met Sally.
Labels:
autobun,
couch,
daughters,
dialogue,
drawstring,
holes,
house,
sentences,
sorrows,
sweat pants,
true life,
wife
Monday, February 23, 2015
Things We Learn Through Experience
The more I look at it, the more I think my handwriting is the sort one usually associates with ransom notes. Or messages that bleed through the wallpaper in haunted houses.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Pavlov 2.0
Not sure why this one came out quite as fuzzy as it did.
For those playing at home, the small print says:
PANEL 1 - Wife makes toast. I fry eggs, Daughter stirs cocoa. Other daughter serves fruit.
PANEL 2 - Autobun, spatula, spoon.
I'm now seriously thinking about writing a toddler's board book called, "Autobun, Spatula, Spoon." Four of the pages in the board book will consist of the lines from Panel 1. I will make a gajillion dollars.
Labels:
autobun,
bing,
Bing Crosby,
breakfast,
Chandler Bing,
cherries,
cocoa,
eggs,
facts,
family,
fridge magnet,
fruit,
kitchen,
noise,
Pavlov,
scenes,
spatula,
spoon,
toast,
toaster oven
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Friday, February 20, 2015
Indifferent Strokes
Not sure what sort of mad topological configuration our bed occupies in spacetime, but I seem to have drawn said anomaly with astonishing accuracy.
Labels:
anomaly,
bed,
books,
Elie Wiesel,
glasses,
hate,
indifference,
love,
opposites,
pillows,
quotes,
radio,
spacetime,
storyosity,
topology,
true life,
wife
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Sunday, February 15, 2015
I Put the "Fun" in Funerals!
One of the biggest draws for the business, of course, will be the opportunity for customers to see me wearing a tall black top hat. I'm a marketing genius.
Friday, February 13, 2015
So Imagine "Avengers" Meets "Harold and the Purple Crayon"...
This whole thing is ENTIRELY REAL, incidentally. I found my old notebook of Super Gumdrop stories from when I was a kid, and these are accurate reprints of my original trademarked characters. The origin stories for The Mad Meatball, Zig-zag, The Zipper, and Anything Man are absolutely as I describe them here.
This should establish once and for all how little artistic growth I have experienced in my lifetime.
(incidentally, feel free to use the hashtag #WBTDBF, since it's way awesomer than #TBT)
For those who doubt the veracity of my claims about the origin of the work above, I present a page from the (denim-bound) notebooks of my eight-year-old self:
Labels:
#WBTDBF,
alien,
Anything Man,
Brigade of Bad,
characters,
chemicals,
Friday,
identity,
Mad Meatball,
Masked Mask,
notebook,
origin,
planet,
pool,
stick man,
SuperGumdrop,
Thursday,
villains,
Zig-zag,
zipper
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Fad Romance
Labels:
autobun,
books,
conversation,
couch,
heads,
novelists,
romance,
Valentine's Day,
wife
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Saturday, February 7, 2015
They'll Have to Ditch Those Stupid Puffy Suits, Though
Labels:
biathlon,
committee,
cross-country,
events,
guns,
ideas,
luger,
Nordic combined,
Olympics,
paintball,
ski-jumping,
skiing,
suits,
winter
Friday, February 6, 2015
Turns Out, X-Men Aren't As Studly As You Thought
This said, he also never has to use a styptic pencil or worry about developing that little flap of dead skin on the roof of his mouth two days after burning it on pizza that's too hot.
Thursday, February 5, 2015
"Her Name is Ear Worm and She Dances On the Sand..."
Labels:
BBC America,
chair,
dance,
daughters,
dose,
Duran Duran,
earworm,
heads,
Planet Earth,
songs,
steps,
storyosity,
television,
true life,
wife
Monday, February 2, 2015
Another White Album
Other tracks include:
"Lips are Bluish" - Meghan Trainor
("I'm too cold/My lips are bluish/Hello! Both my legs are numb/They're not just numb - I cannot move them/And the frostbite's just now reached my bum...")
and
"This the Plowin' Dude" - Katy Perry
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Where the Rubber Meets the Road...and the Road Beats the Rubber
I should have had some red labels in here with arrows, but I got carried away with my rambling. But I know you understand...you get me.
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