Thoughts on Our Dog-Eat-Dog World

Yes, my Stick Cannibal Dog has the bones of his last meal through his nose and tail and he's wearing a necklace of teeth.  They're probably canines!!

Oh, man, that was a good one.  I need to lie down now.

Dispenser With the Pleasantries

You would not believe what it took to remove this malevolent force from our lives.  The story of how we did it was made into the third Exorcist sequel in the 90s.  The writers changed a couple details to make it more "Hollywood."

(also, here's what the original dispenser looked like)

Word Up! (But Down, Not So Much)

My one hope for retaliation is that my wife will read the title of this post and get the song stuck in her head.

Put another way, perhaps an earworm will help clear her auditory canal to allow for better conversation next time...mwah-hah-hah...

Bunker Fill

This is the scene she's talking about, incidentally.

So my daughters will allow Cyberdyne's Skynet updates to infiltrate all our computers, and when Sarah, John and the reprogrammed cyborg arrive to save humanity from its own future, my wife will try to equip them with Indian relishes.  You see what I have to deal with?

The Cure for the Common Cat Poster

Yeah, I got a dark side.  Because I'm deep.

The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Humorist

Incidentally, please be very impressed with how beautiful and straight my Older Daughter's teeth are.  We spent a lot of money having her orthodontist make that part of the drawing.

Milking a Joke Cow vs. Beating a Dead Joke Horse

Everyone appears to have been swept up in Deodorant Phone Mania.  Our investors, therefore, ordered the APTW creatives to produce another installment.

And now we just wait for the fat stacks of cash to roll in.

I love this country.

His Nose Was Supposedly Made of Metal, In Case You Wondered.

 

Yes, that's right, I made a Tycho Brahe joke--TYCHO BRAHE.  I'm THAT good.

I can hear you being impressed all the way over here.

(In other news, the Joy Vampires will DEFINITELY be making an appearance in Polar Twilight.)

When You Need Another Kind of Answering Machine

Thus concludes the Deodorant Phone Trilogy.  However, given that it has been so wildly successful for me financially, I'm working on a prequel.  Take that, Marvel Universe.

Enjoying the Cites

The Deodorant Phone Trilogy, Part Two.

This is the REAL way celebrities are made.

(By the way, my wife wants me to make it clear that the periods in her speech bubble in the first panel are there to indicate sarcasm.  Duh.)