This will be Part One of what I call "The Deodorant Phone Triology." Because I think the story carries that kind of gravitas. So if you're not up for a weighty emotional journey, you should look away now.
Only please don't look away, because I need the page views.
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All criticism is welcome and, generally, warranted. More than that, when you write things here, it makes me feel less lonely and makes you a nicer person.