Please also note the tie-in to yesterday's commentary on zero.
Insecure about your level of artistic talent? This blog is for you. My wish is that you view my work and think, "Seriously? I can do better than this."
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
The Art of Darkness
Labels:
autobun,
commentary,
couch,
criticism,
darkness,
Disney,
hour,
jokes,
light,
lighting,
McColls,
media,
minutes,
movies,
sneak attack,
television,
tie-in,
wife,
zero,
Zero Dark Thirty
Monday, March 30, 2015
Making Nothing Out of Something
This post also establishes that 3 things, while being ALMOST nothing, is in fact MORE than zero things.
On another note, the "more than zero emissions" label could be used for a lot of people I know as well.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Ventrilociraptorism
Labels:
bathroom,
confessions,
daughters,
rooms,
vacation,
velociraptor,
wife,
words
Friday, March 27, 2015
Man Loves Tree Loves Rock Hates Man, Part 3
Thursday, March 26, 2015
They've Made Their Bed, Now They'll Have to Be Canadian In It
Sometimes, for short, we call them "asylum corners." If we're feeling especially creepy, we call them, "American Horror Story Asylum corners."
Labels:
American Horror Story,
asylum,
bed,
black holes,
Canadians,
cronuts,
hospital,
hospital corners,
Large Hadron Collider,
McColloquialisms,
mental hospital,
movies,
pronouns,
remark,
sheets,
snow,
speaker,
Transformers
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Raider of the Lost Snark
Turns out, the kid was a huge Tolkein fan - read the whole Hobbit series like eight times. Which, of course, makes him a ringworm.
Labels:
books,
books on tape,
bookworm,
designer labels,
garrote,
Lord of the Rings,
necktie,
office,
purse,
Raiders of the Lost Ark,
reading,
ringworm,
snark,
son,
strangers,
tapeworm,
The Hobbit,
Tolkein,
work
Monday, March 23, 2015
Trying to Hold the Fortitude
Sunday, March 22, 2015
The Most Difficult Car Bingo Game You've Never Played
I swear I saw all these things.
Also a live seagull perched on the hood of an occupied Altima at a rest stop.
And a stretch of highway beautification provided by "Walter."
And also the waste disposal truck had signs on the back that said, "Residual Waste - Bada Bing!" and "Solid Waste - Bada Boom!"
And also the waste disposal truck had signs on the back that said, "Residual Waste - Bada Bing!" and "Solid Waste - Bada Boom!"
Labels:
beagle,
billboard,
bullets,
car magnet,
cologne,
eggs,
German,
hair,
hernia,
Ikea,
moose,
motel,
mudflaps,
Pac-man,
pigs,
road,
shillelagh,
stop sign,
stoplights,
yellow cab
Saturday, March 21, 2015
The Drinking Problem
Labels:
anger,
annoyance,
anti-Christ,
daughters,
dinner,
drink,
girldom,
humans,
incantation,
instructions,
magic,
plate,
questions,
red,
rules,
salads,
statements,
teenager
Friday, March 20, 2015
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Dusting for Finger Paints
It's like CSI Babies! Other characters include--
Sarah, an adorable little moody goth CSI baby
Nick, a good-looking Southern CSI baby (with a weird nose and beady eyes),
Catherine, the over-developed CSI baby with the dark past,
and Warwick, the CSI baby with the gambling problem.
Labels:
bugs,
car,
car magnet,
chalk outlines,
CSI,
daughters,
episode,
fans,
handprint,
hands,
Nick Jr,
nursery school,
paraphernalia,
parents,
police,
pre-kindergarten,
sweater,
true life,
wife
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
The Fine Art of Falling Apart
Mysterious Bruising Condition, or MBC, affects ones--perehaps tens--of Americans each year. If you or a loved one finds strange horribly colored contusions appearing on your skin seemingly at random on a regular basis, consult your spouse immediately.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Nor Would I Know How to Title a Blog Post Like This
Labels:
autobun,
Awful Pictures,
bed,
guard,
ideas,
notebook,
notes,
pillows,
punchline,
sleep,
tuning fork,
wife
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Friday, March 13, 2015
A Bit of Comic Relief. Seriously.
Really. Seriously. Please go to the Comic Relief Red Nose Day website now and give them some money. Then tell everyone you know to do the same thing. Please please please.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
What Rhymes with Ned Stark?
Also, you have GOT to check out Mr Bean's IMDB biography. It is HILARIOUSLY over the top. It's so wonderfully nutty that our family has decided to turn it into our own Mad Libs game.
Also, I bet there are people who call him Mr Bean, and that is also hilarious to me.
Monday, March 9, 2015
Setting Clocks One Hour Ahead In the Past
You may be marvelling at the fact that my Romans speak in English but write in Latin. That's only to take your attention away from the fact that my Roman blackboard (which might be a whiteboard) is supported by two Roman columns.
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Daylight Savings Plan
Deciding on your own that you are in a different time zone from everyone else more or less follows the same logic as Daylight Saving Time itself. So there's that.
Labels:
chair,
clock,
communication,
data,
Daylight Saving Time,
desk,
future,
protest,
screaming,
Skype,
time zones
Friday, March 6, 2015
Dialogue Jam
If you're wondering why our bodies look a bit thicker and darker, it's because we're all wearing our new Gore-tex snowsuits.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Soap Dispensing
Incidentally, you're forbidden from breathing a word of this to anyone. The Confessional is sacred and binding.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Sudden Realizations - Ridiculous, But Sudden
The answer to that last question is yes, that IS what Scissor Sisters say in that one line in "Return to Oz." You can go to sleep now.
Labels:
"Return to Oz",
autobun,
cards,
conversation,
Dark Crystal,
dialogue,
ears,
eyebrows,
hair,
house,
Leonard Nimoy,
lyrics,
movies,
questions,
Scissor Sisters,
Skeksis,
sleep,
Star Trek,
true life,
wife
Monday, March 2, 2015
The Coffee Doesn't Always Help
Labels:
anti-gravity,
autobun,
conversation,
couch,
mug,
sickness,
table,
true life,
wife
Sunday, March 1, 2015
The Spock of Life: Leonard Nimoy, Nerd Comforter
Labels:
director,
friends,
JJ Abrams,
Kim Cattrall,
Kirk,
leader,
Leonard Nimoy,
nerds,
photography,
saints,
script,
Simpsons,
Spock,
Star Trek,
teenager,
Three Men and a Baby,
Uhura,
Vulcans,
warrior,
women
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